Songs of 2012 (Pt. 2)

Dunno if you remember or if you've read but i promised to do this so here goes.
My songs of 2012 part 2. but instead of showing the songs im just going to list the songs along with my fav lyrics from the song. This is again in no particular order.

1. Demons by Imagine Dragons
I must say that this particular album has changed my life. it's so good. the whole album is, not only "it's time"
Fav line : "No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed"

2. Alicia Keys (Girl on Fire)
Don't have a fav line, the whole song is just so empowering. An im with PwincessFi, after listening to this, I am proud to be a women. I'll leave you with this

3. I Know You Care by Ellie Goulding
fav line: i dont have any... :)

4. Some Nights by Fun
I like it cos of the harmonies, I was a choir girl so, im big on harmonies.
Fav line: "When I look into my nephew's eye, man you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from some terrible nights..."

5. Read all about it part III by Emili Sande
She sang it during the closing ceremony of the olympic games. it was my fav moment of the closing ceremony behind leong mun yee carrying the torch during one of the segment with Pele' yo, she was marching with pele', and leong mun yee is our diving legend. she has competed in 4 olympics. altho pandelela won a medal, i think the fact that she competed in four olympics was why she was selected for that segment.
fav line: "yes we're all wonderful, wonderful people, so when did we all get so fearful"
here's that perf from the closing ceremony, this is beautiful because of the background clip

that olympic perf was amazing but this is also amazing, this woman is amazing!

THAT'S IT.

Cerekarama.

(pict source : instagram)

Kahwin? Hoi! Ini bukan temporary issue~ this is like contemporary issue... sepanjang zaman...

Apa orang kata pasal kahwin? Aku tau kalau korang tak minat sekali pun... satu hari nanti korang akan pasti rasa kemaruk nak kahwin... what for? Tuntutan agama? bluergh... okay, ini bukan ceramah agama... Tapi satu hari nanti korang akan rasa bosan hidup sendirian walaupun ada bf atau gf eventho korang sudah seperti suami isteri... i mean, come on! Yang halal tu pasti rasa lain... mmm... aku tak tau apa rasa dia lah... tapi sedap je ayam, lembu, kambing dan juga arnab yang disembelih mengikut hukum syarak... tak pasti kalau aku ada termakan yang tak halal... minta tuhan halalkan saja.

Untuk yang sudah mati-mati bekerja... motivasi untuk pulang ke rumah tengok isteri yang comel adalah sangat tinggi... atau, pulang ke rumah untuk berkongsi betapa busuknya dan sampahnya tempat kerja anda dan pekerjaan seharian anda... balik rumah ada tukang urut, tukang masak... pengendali mesin basuh... dan pengendali mesin-mesin yang sewaktu dengannya... Dan begitu juga la dengan isteri yang rasa kepuasan berkhidmat kepada suami... rasa diperlukan, disayangi... and stuff~ 

Positifkan pemikiran aku yg belum mendirikan rumah tangga? 

Bukan tu yang aku nak cakap... drama lepas kahwin mmg best... tapi drama sebelum kahwin tak kurang hebatnya... nak bertunanglah, nak putus tunanglah, nak kumpul duit kahwin lagi~ haih... drama2 bakal mak mentua lagi~makcik mentua... haaa... kan? Di bawah adalah contoh-contoh typical mengapa kita akan bakal lambat mendirikan rumah tangga :

Anak : Kalau duit hantaran tak banyak macam tu tak boleh ke? Banyak mcm ni je ke...~

Ibu    : Eh? Takkan sikit tu je? Memang mintak banyak tu ke? Kan ada Phd, second master, second degree ...

Anak : Isyk.. apa je ada kat title... isteri yg baik bukan pada benda tu sume... lagipun ustaz cakap, lebih  murah belanja kahwin lagi berkat...

Ibu   : ....... haaa... kalau mcm tu mesti banyak ni... at least.

Anak : Hmm... *lambat lagi la aku nak kahwin mcm ni*

Dalam situasi macam ni... aku terfikir... tak boleh ke kalau setakat mak mentua nak duit hantaran 5 angka... perempuan pun kumpul duit bersama dgn laki... or at least... top up kan ke sikit? nak hidup bersama lama kot dari sibuk pasal sehari punya majlis yg surely lepas sebulan tetamu korg tak akan ingat apa warna tema majlis korg~mahupun doorgift yang mengarut2~ dari bebankan pihak laki buat personal loan untuk kahwin lepas tu pening lepas kahwin nnt...~ lepastuuuu... haa.. lepas tu... korg fikir la sendiri drama air mata apa yg boleh jadi~ 

ini adalah antara video mat luthfi yang aku minat!

Untitled

So lemme try this
out of the blue
im gonna come out with something

We grew up together
and till this day we are still growing up together
although distantly but
together
A family
We are
and I love all of you
more than anything
and I want all of you to know that
before anything else

I saw all of you crawling
walking, jumping, and now
Flying
Each and every one of you
High in the sky
All grown up
Old enough to know
what's going on

When there was only two of us
Seemed like long ago
almost like I had that in a different life
cause when the rest of you came
it was all grand
And I couldn't wait of what's to come

Held your hands in crowds
When I wasn't even old enough to hold my own
But I did it anyway
Because I felt so blessed
Stood by you
Pushed my shame away
Little hands, perfect
You were my world

Held up groceries
when you were inside mum's
Gave up my seat in a crowded bus
when Shane was inside of you
and when Timmy was so tiny
I was eleven

It all started long ago
We were together
The adults could never keep us apart
with whatever their predicaments were
It destroyed me when you went away
I saw my brother's eyes gloomed
when Timmy had to go away again on Sundays
I saw my sister's tantrums when Moon was dragged into the car
and right then my heart crushed
I was just a kid
But we were
Together

Now
Pains me to say
I live here
But I pretend like I don't
Moon looked at me like a stranger
There's barely words
No more together
and I blame the adults
and their selfish acts
But mostly I blame me
Because I should know what to do
I was there first
I saw things they haven't
But then and now
I am clueless as I ever was
and not to care
seems easier
and a painful irony emerges
because now tomorrow scares me

I will give everything
Tell me what to do
I will give
I will give
My love for you has no bounds.

Who cares what they say

who cares what they say when youre this good, this was how he made me fell in love since day one. cheesy as fcuk....but this....all over again JB...all over again....you made me......

Am I dying?

So remember my last post about the movies, told you i had diarrhea? that was like a week ago, well i am having it again today. Notice the present continuous tense? i, as we speak, am having diarrhea again. out of the blue. i dont know whats going on. i think there might be something in the water, but everyone else is not having it. and this is the second time. and this time it's even worse. the puking is the worst. i am so hungry but everytime i eat something i would vomit and poop. all ive had today is water. and i swear when i puked an hour ago it wasn't rainbowish in colour, it was blood. not like the whole thing that came out was blood, but there was blood. well, i am still able to write here, i guess i am ok. but if i have this again next week, im sure, theres something wrong with me. and trust me, it's not the puking and pooping thats bothering me, but it's the achy tummy thats horrible. it left me crawling on my bed wishing the pain to go away. we'll that's that.

and unicorns, i suggest you guys check the gmail often to keep track on the comments, cos its hard to keep track post by post (which is what ive been doing cause i have all the time in the world) since we have more than 50 posts to date. aint nobody got time for that, right...well i did, but not anymore.

pinoe----OUT!!

Last Missed Call

Masok minggu ni dah 2 minggu aku cuba call dia..
xpernah angkat..
Call pagi ke petang ke malam ke..
Tiada respond..
Callback lagi laa.. SMS pon xdibalas..

Mungkin dia marah aku ..
atau dia semak dgn perangai aku ..
aku pon xtahu ..
Jauh dalam lubuk hati aku ada rasa marah+geram..
Biasanya kalau dia berperangai pelik mcm ni mesti ada something yg dia xpuas hati..

"Aku mintak maaf kalau aku banyak semakkan hidup kau.. aku cuma nak tanya khabar.. Jaga diri.. Bye" SMS terakhir aku sebelum aku pergi bersiap untuk makan malam..

Jam menunjukkan 8 lebih ..
Telefon ku berdering ..
Tertera nama dia di skrin..
Aku letakkan handphone ke meja, mengabaikan pangilan tu..
Aku malas nak dengar alasan atau penjelasan..
Susah sgt ke nak sms balik tanya 'ada apa?'

Tepat Jam 11 pagi, beberapa hari kemudian ..
aku terima pangilan dari Faiz..
"Atonq.. Iss dah xde.. dia baru je meninggal"
Aku tergamam ..
Hanya mampu menangis.

A Part of Me Died

i always wondered what will cause a pwincess to feel low. to feel like something died in me. now i figured it out.

No, its not the peasants' sufferings or a broken heart or an ugly bitch trying to ruin my life. all those are forgivable and settleable (there's such word?). Nope, none of those makes me feel low. I am a pwincess, i cant easily feel suicidal. Occasionally i think of a 100 ways to kill myself, but thats just to make my brain more creative and for me to know the signs if any peasants are suicidal.

Nope, its not the usual problems, its not even a problem.

Its......

The End of a very special world tour.

The Alive World Tour.

sad. griefing. dunno why. eventhough i only went to one.

maybe coz that was the first time i really wanted to see someone live. faced the crowd. and the rain. and the brokeness (again, is that a word?).

but now i feel empty. since yesterday. when i know it was over. empty. feeling really down.

who cares if ur rolling ur eyes when reading this. who asked u to read.

now, coz its over. i feel sad. but they're not over. they're just getting started. they're progressing.

so,i will make a new life mission. I'm gonna watch them in their hometown, two years from now. maybe with their family, maybe just by themselves.

and i'm bringing all these unicorns along. u no need to like them. u just need to like me enuff to go.

ok, now u can laugh. sorry for the psycho post. i shall go and attend the worldly problems now. my peasants still need their pwincess.

~PwincessFi

I wonder.

I wonder what will happen in 5 years time or 10 years time.
I wonder if I would still be alive to see and seek.
I wonder if my friends would still be alive and happy with their lives.
I wonder if we would still catch up and see each other.
I wonder if I would be forgotten.
And I wonder if I'll still be as clueless as I am now.

Movies Galore!

I have diarrhea. Been pooping a lot of rainbows today. I can barely stand up, can't eat anything, or else I'll just end up puking or pooping. It has been a hard day as well. Started at 7am and all over again at 5pm. People screaming and having diarrhea. Not a good combo. But I feel like writing. So, here's a list of movies I watches so far this year.

1. Pelada

It's a story about two promising soccer players from the USA. One almost played in the premier league, and one, a college superstar had her career cut short because they were no league to play in women's soccer after she graduated college. These two are has beens who are not quite ready to leave the game yet. So, they traveled around the world to find the true meaning of soccer in pick up games. Hoping in the end to decide truly whether they're ready to give it up or not. Pick up soccer is what they call futsal in the USA and pelada means futsal in Portuguese. Interesting huh, they have different names for futsal. Interestingly, futsal is played differently all around the world and it carries different meanings and baggage for different people and cultures. This is eye opening to me. Growing up, I have dreams of becoming a pro athlete particularly a soccer player. But, that didnt really happen and it crushed me. But after watching this, I learned that any dream doesnt necessary die just like that. You can still play even though not in the highest level and still feel whole. You don't play for the fame, you play for the joy of it. As long as it brings you joy, no dream is left buried. My rating: 4.5/5

2. 50/50

JGL and Anna Kendrick. Need I say more? I'm in love with both of them. Seth Rogen is funny but I just find his humor a bit too offensive at times. But, it's fine. It's good movie. Anna plays as a rookie shrink who tries hard to help a cancer stricken JGL dealing with, well, cancer. Sometimes we try hard to help other people only to realize we just dont know how. Anna is really charming in this. It's not often that I almost fancy the female love interest in a movie esp with JGL in it. Nothing compares to my love towards JGL, but Anna is just love. And all the characters a re so good in this movie, including the actress who plays JGL's selfish gf. My rating : 4/5

3. Black Swan

 Yes, its the oscar nominated movie starring natalie portman and sweet lips Mila kunis. Since the very beginning people when  were hyping about the movie, I was pretty much the only person who was not hyped. I guess it obvious cause it came out prolly 3 years ago and I only choose to watch it this year. Turns out my gut feeling is correct. It explains why I never had any attention to watch it in the first place. I watched and I wasnt really into it. I was bored half way through it. Even skipped parts. It had all the promise of being a classic, starring Natalie portman and even winona ryder (whom is the poster girl of actors who play troubled and dark young girls, "Girl, Interuptted" ?? remember? A classic.) did a cameo And Natalie played a troubled ballet dancer who just wants to be recognized once and for all. And we all know there's a twist to the whole thing. I dont know however why this does not interest me at all. This seems to have all the recipes that I like in a movie. and it includes ballet and i always love any movie that revolves around dancing and it doesnt matter what genre it is. I love 'Save the last dance', 'billy elliot', and all the step up movies just to name a few. But, i just found this boring. It has an eye opening message though. It did manage to open my eyes about the real message theyre trying to portray. its just that theres something about this that does not resonate to me. My rating: 3/5

4. Now Is Good

Dakota Fanning (one of my favs) plays a dying girl with terminal cancer. Well' this is a classic tear jerker. There's Dakota Fanning, the love interest is cute and he is really good in this.  Dakota's british accent really surprised me. For a moment i actually thought she was british and not american. if youve watched my sister's keeper, then it has the same message. how a young person dealing with inevitable death but most importantly how the people in her live were portrayed as well. altho dakota is the one who's dying, but actually the people around her are hurting more, because theyre the ones who will be left behind trying to pick up the pieces. its a really subtle movie i should say on how to decide how and when to let go. which ironically portrayed in this movie as no, we will never know and we will never be able to let go, ever. we just have to move on. my rating: 4/5

5. Pitch Perfect

Yeap, ya'll must know this one. Anna Kendrick again. and i ship her and brittany snow so hard. hah! Kays, nvm that. Well, i think this the funniest movie ive seen since Easy A. People tend to compare this to glee, but tbh, i dont see the similarities at all. this movie completely stands on its own. its so funny, and i loooooveeeee the harmonies. they dont go overboard with it. and skylar astin????? dude!!!!! you aint that good looking and i first saw you in Girls, (tv series, lena dunham just won a golden globe from the series and she beat tina fey!!!!) but you're a heartthrob. btw, skylar is anna's love interest in the movie. and fat amy ftw!!! she herself and her australian outback and indigenous jokes, i was done!! funny as hell. My rating: 4.9/5

6. The Impossible

Gosh, this is the hardest movie to watch, like ever. and i felt that even before i started watching just by reading the reviews and synopsis. Well its about a true story of an italian family who were the victims who survived the 2006 tsunami. it is portrayed in the movie tho by ewan mcgregor and naomi watts as a british family. but nevermind that. it is cos they wanted to make an english movie thats why they changed the italian family as british. plus the italian family actually picked the actors who played them, themselves. kays, i'll tell you why  its hard for me to watch first. long time ago, during a semester break, i went on youtube and it was one of those days where i was in the weird part of youtube again. i stumbled upon a video footage taken by a tourist during the tsumani. live footage mind you of when it actually happened. this man, was holding the camera, he was at the beach house about  prolly 200m from the beach, and as the water came in he saw and videotaped people at the beach being swollen by the water as the tsunami hit, finally when the water hit the beach resort where he was standing and videotaping, the beach house collapsed but he managed to tie his video camera to his wrist before the water swolled him. obviously he miraculously survived and so did his tape cos he managed to put it on youtube. i think the footage is still there on youtube if you want to see. but im warning you, its a bit well, hard to take, there little children clinging on trees, and being swept by strong current and theres nothing you can do about it. its tragic,and its there on youtube. so, i went on and watched more real life tsunami vids after that but only footage of the after math and after the water hit. which is less terrifying but still scary. my point is, watching those vids scared me so when i found out abt this movie (i think its in cinemas now, no>??? i dont know) anyway, when i found out abt this, i was like, hmmm this is going to be gruesome to watch esp if theyre going to recreate the actual tsunami in the movie. and i was right. it was scary to watch in so many levels, and gosh this is heartbreaking, a tear jerker. youre going to cry yes. naomi watts and ewan mcgregor are so good in this but thats to be expected. whats amazing is that the children who played the kids in this movie. i think i fell in love with lucas, the eldest, played by Tom Holland. I swear when i first saw him in this movie i thought he looked like jamie bell, the actor who played the title character in billy elliot. then i googled tom holland and turned out he started his career as billy elliot in a stage musical. what a coincident huh? so this movie is a must watch to me, tom holland is soooo good in this. my rating : 4.9/5

7. Silver Linings Playbook

 well, need i say more about this? ya'll also know about this. J.LAW!!!!!! (Jennifer Lawrence, whom i fell in love after watching a winter's bone on mira's laptop) in her second movie which resulted in an oscar nom. she is amazing!!!!! shout out to everyone else who knew her before the hunger games. the sole reason why i watched this is because of the oscar hypes and J.LAW!! And i must say, she didnt disappoint, altho i think she will not win an oscar because she is up against jessica chastain who is so good in zero dark thirty (another movie i watched,but will not review cos its controversial, lets just say its a good movie, but it makes you wanna shoot well....no, i wont say it). so, this is a great movie. my fav line "i opened up to you, and you judged me" thats my fav line. and bradley cooper and j'law have great chem in this. this is perf. my rating: 4/5

8. Babies

its a documentary about 4 babies from 4 diff parts of the world, i watched it cos of the cuteness and i assure you its a must watch. its funny, charming, eye opening at the same time. and i fell in love with Bayar, the mongolian baby. and ya'll know i love babies. my rating: 5/5 (babies are perf)

so thats about it, i think i watched more but when i looked through my downloaded files, it only showed these 8 movies. maybe cos i rewatched a lot of old movies like a winter's bone, gia, we need to talk about kevin, and school of rock. so ill leave you with a current movie that im currently downloading and gonna watch once its finished. its called "Julia." starring my new love, oscar winning most underrated actress (i stand by underrated altho she won an oscar) Tilda Swinton (she was the white witch in narnia, and kevin's mum in we need to talk abt kevin, that is if you dont know her by name), cant wait to watch this.

so i hope this will help you if youre bored and dont know what movie to download. i mean no harm and didnt mean to bore you in any way. i doubt that you will read the whole post anyway.

(i stopped about 3 times just to go poop and puke while writing this post)

Just thought this was relevant.

“And we’re going to make billions of dollars, and we’re going to buy an island, one of the ones that have unicorns on them. We talk about unicorns a lot because I found out while we were recording the record that I did not understand that unicorns never existed, I just thought they were extinct. And then everybody laughs because everyone’s first thought when they think of a unicorn is the idea that it’s a mythical creature but I didn’t ever think that way. I was just like, it’s a white horse with a horn…”

—	Tegan Quin

So I'll just leave this here.

Happy birthday pwincessfi!! altho i think im the pwettiest...today youre the pwettiest.

Nope, not here, scroll along creatures.

well, should i share this one startling coincident that occurs between myself and megan rapinoe? one coincident that might rest assured that her and i are meant to be together? okay that sounds crazy, creepy, and psychotic, i'll rephrase. a coincident that might explain why she is such an inspiration to me and why i just love her so much to the point where i want to be her. this coincident has got to do with a woman. a woman ties us together and forever assures the reason behind my admiration towards her. so, should i share this wonderful story of coincident?

The answer is , no. I should not. Because no one would care. it will only make me sad that no one gives a fcuk about a weird obsession. about my weird obsession. in fact, i couldve written something so offensive to someone and that someone will never notice no matter how obvious it is because he or she is an ignorant bitch or douche. So, I'll keep this amazing turn of event to myself. thank you very much.

configuration of the heart

it is almost impossible to say that there are people who have never had their share of feeling sad and pathetic.  Because the truth is , we're all human and we have feelings, pleasant, unpleasant, you name it.

one might be rich and famous, but i doubt that there is not a moment in life that one feels sad. 

i say that the reason to all this madness would be our amazing heart. 

the heart has amazing capability to experience a lot of emotions at the same time. 

happy. excited. surprised. sad. shocked. these are just a few of them. *what the fuck am i crapping about, get to the point Barnron*

what i am trying to say is that the heart influences greatly on how we handle our life.

last few years, i was sad, a sad woman. woman? okay, more like young woman. 

i was a complete mess, well, i am still a complete mess, but a lot better than i was.

i might be laughing, but the next moment, i might feel sad out of the blue. it was a sad phase of my life. my heart was a mess, tangled up unresolved issues. 

but then, i have my heart configured. i might still have issues now, but once you have figure out the things bottled up in your heart, you're good to go.

you need to tell your heart, yourself, to figure things out.

sometimes, you do know what goes wrong, you just don't want to let it go. because you're afraid that you wont feel this way ever again (referring to me) but trust me once you have it figured out, things would fall into pieces, slowly, and it would be the best thing in the world. i had help figuring things out, more like a catalyst which can be pretty varied for different individuals.

matters of the heart, should be figured out, don't push them down. but then again, we're just human, we have read so many things on this matter, heard so many stories, but when it finally happens to us, it is almost impossible to do what the books say, or what our friends say.
everything comes down to us, to decide the best way to deal with matters of the heart.

so, what did i just write? what was my point?

well, a bunch of crap, only to be understood by the chosen ones.

love, 

Barnron.

who happens to be a sentimental and complicated unicorn. well, a royal one. 

Blood Tears

know what, 
if my tears were made of blood, 
id die by now, 
ive let out too much, 
i would’ve lost too much, 
these things are killing.

People really set their priorities on the right track

knowing your priorities are very important in our life, at least in my life as a royal princess of Bardom.

Yes, it is quite a weird name for a country, but don't underestimate the things that we have been through for the past 400 years, the wealth that we have on this very day.

now, do you see the connection between name, wealth and priorities? well, if you don't, it is really not your fault. normal people will find it hard understanding this connection. but you will. 

that was pretty much crap, only to be understood by the chosen ones. 

-barnron-

Letter from a Mother to a Daughter

I read this on pinterest so I guess why not just share. Maybe some might have read this in facebook, so yeah, A letter from a Mother to a Daughter.

 "My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, 

I ask you to please be patient, 

but most of all, 

try to understand what I’m going through. 

If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, 

Don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please.

 Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. 

When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. 

Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? 

When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, 

give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way… 

Remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, 

getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day… 

The day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient,

 But most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. 

If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, 

give me the time to remember, 

and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant.

 Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. 

And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, 

Give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. 

When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, 

and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. 

I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. 

With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, 

I just want to say, 

I love you… 

my darling daughter."

Dealing with my nephew every single day actually taught me how hard it is for our mother to bring us up. 

How hard it was for her to look after us since my dad wasn't always at home.

And she did it all alone.

Thanks ma.

P.S - I think I did most of the stuff that is being mentioned.

credit : http://www.lynetteradio.com/

Tetaplah menjadi kamu...

Jika Anda sudah berupaya sebaik mungkin
untuk membahagiakan orang lain,
dan mengikhlaskan hati Anda
untuk mendahulukan penghormatan
kepada perasaan baik orang lain,

tapi jika mereka memilih
untuk bersikap tidak baik kepada Anda,
janganlah berkecil hati.

Tidak ada orang baik yang hasil dari kebaikannya
adalah keburukan.

Bersabarlah.

Tetaplah menjadi orang baik.

Tuhan yang akan mengurus selebihnya.

- Mario Teguh



                                                   

"He was just a very expressive little boy," Pozner says. "He was just a bundle of energy."

She thinks of her son's facial expressions, of him asking for a snack after school. Days before the massacre, he had come downstairs to see her shortly after being put to bed.

"I just wanted to give you one more hug," Noah said.

"Why is your pajama top off?" his mother asked.

"So I can feel your heart better," he replied.

Alexithymia

Wouldn't it be a great excuse if you had that time where you cannot describe your feelings? This is your excuse. You are just a sick person who does not know how to tell what you've been feelings about things. The core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relating. They were also have difficulty in distinguishing and appreciating the emotions of others. (Source : Wikipedia) . 

The accusation of being ignorance and insensitive cannot be implied to you. But seriously, do you know how hard it is to try to tell people how you've been feelings? Even without alexithymia... You feel that you are so mad... or you should be mad over something, but suddenly you feel that you don't even have the right to feel that way... or you've been feeling so happy... but still... you feel that you just don't deserve it... in the end... you just feel so empty. 

Heartless. Feelingless... is that true? Although you've kept a lot of things inside. Waiting to be exploded like a land mine waiting to be stepped on. The explosion will spread like a chernobyl disaster that caused mutation of happiness and hatred in every heart that you've intended to let them to feel it.

In a second thought you wouldn't want to let them out right? I'd rather not. I am happy this way... no... I don't know... I don't know really. Maybe i'm happy...maybe i'm not...? Maybe i'm just denying the fact that i am. Or am i? You know what i feel about this? Exactly. Let's just ignore this crap. =)




                                                                                                                                               -     FJA 

sorry zam

omg rupa dia mcm zam, i imagine zam yg ckp listen & let me speak byk kali, fish letak dlm fish tank...hahahaha...my god...

Si Pengemis Ngesot

Hari ini aku berjalan-jalan sekitar Bukit Bintang berseorangan,
Bosan dengan hiruk pikuk dan keglamouran pavilion..
Aku rancang lepak sekitar BB plaza dan lowyat sahaja..
Sedang aku menikmati juadah tengah hari di sebuah kopitiam..
Mata aku tertumpu kepada seorang pengemis..

Orangnya kurus..
Berbangsa Cina..
Sangat uzur..
Tidak boleh berdiri apentah lagi berjalan..
Mungkin boleh, dengan bantuan tongkat yang di bawa bersamanya..
Kaki nya dilunjurkan kehadapan..
Dibawah kakinya dilapikan dengan sepasang kasut..
Mengesot ke hadapan menggunakan kedua tangan nya..
Meminta belas ihsan masyarakat bandar.

Perlahan pergerakan nya..
ye lah dah ngesot camtu.. cane nak bergerak laju kan ?
Sepanjang aku memerhatikannya,
Ramai yang berhenti dan menghulurkan wang..
Tersenyum dia..
dan dalam senyuman itu,
terpancar keperitan hidup yg dihadapinya..
sedih sangat hati ini memandang nya..

Die menghentikan ngesotannya..
Dia menghulurkan RM1 kepada seorang pekerja kopitiam..
untuk membeli sebotol air mineral..
Setelah air mineral di genggamannya..
Dibuka penutup dgn perlahan..
dan air mula diteguk..
Dari jauh kelihatan kehausannya berakhir sebentar..
tapi dia hanya minum suku..
mungkin lebihannya buat bekalan hingga ke petang..

Kebetulan di kopitiam ada kedai pastry..
aku mengambil keputusan untuk membelikanya sesuatu..
tak perlu lah aku beritahu apa yg aku belikan untuk dia..
dan aku sertakan sekali sebotol air mineral..
tersenyum dia..
walaupun tiada ungkapan terima kasih dari bibirnya..
senyuman itu sudah cukup memadai..
diteguknya lagi air yang sebelum itu dibelinya..
dan die meletakkan makanan dan minuman di atas ribanya dengan rapi..
dan perjalanan nya diteruskan..

Niat aku menulis entri ini bukanlah untuk mendapat pujian..
atau mengumumkan apa-apa..
Ini hanya pengalaman yg harap dapat beri tauladan..
Jangan lah kedekut sangat dengan duit tu..
even kita xde duit time tu..
tak luak kalau hulur seringgit..
kalau rasa mereka tu sindiket,
berikan mereka makanan atau minuman..
xkan tu pon sindiket nak tuntut kan ?

p/s : masih terbayang senyuman nya..

dalam keadaan daif sebegitu,

masih mampu dia tersenyum.

aku patut menjadi lebih bersyukur.

Hollow

"We have such a responsibility to guide our young so that they don't end up falling apart, falling by the waist side, becoming ..... insignificant, and we're failing"

You shouldn't be here
I am not here
You see me
But I'm...hollow

Nothing is pure except solitude

I wish I had crept in from the back door

Even if I had, it's the same old tired place that I'll end up in

In this trying time, solitude is the only thing that's pure

Every waking hour I lay wishing that I had meant it

Wishing that we had meant it

Wishing that I'd keep myself from texting

At least not until I call off another episode

Or hold it back at least to the next morning

I take no pride in being weak

Although I have not cried a single tear

That does not mean anything

I still cannot keep myself from falling apart

through the night time

As tides turn, there's no turning back

Confirming that we can no longer pretend

We are blood ties in disguise

And blood is only blood

Nothing more than that

A reign has taken over

And her majesty has taken her wave

the only way she knows how to

In royalty.

So, I'll just leave this here

Today is Siti's Birthday!

Forever Alone

You have no idea how much it hurts..
When your mom tells you that..
Nobody visit you at the hospital on the day you were born,
not even your father..
That is what my mom told me..
It hurts.

I still remember the last time I celebrated my birthday..
It was at my kampung..
Everyone came..
The house is full with people celebrating my birthday..
I felt so loved and happy..
I got plenty of presents..
It was the best birthday party ever..
I was 5 years old at that time..
and that was my first..
and my last..

I used to cry every night when everyone was sleeping..
just like tonight..
When I was younger,
I promised myself that,
When I grow up..
Im gonna be a succesful person,
Im gonna find someone that care and love me,
and I will not cry anymore..
but I guess this is just a dream..

I'm cursed..
I was born alone..
and I guess I have to continue with the same pattern,
till the day I die..



Why is it so hard to feel loved ?
is it too much to ask ?

Pinoe, u asked for it..

Just read that colorful unicorn's rambling.. so i was reading n reading... scrolling down... its very hard for me to read but me being a princess, i care for what these peasants have to say.. so i was reading i think 2-3 entries.. then Pinoe asked the MAGIC QUESTIONNNN!!!! fav songs of 2012????? u just gave me a reason to do it!!!!!

so here goes.... top 5??? sorry in advance!!! dont bother scrolling down if u're into deep dark depressing music....

p/s: sorry Pinoe, my taste in music might not be good music to ur ears... total opposite i can say...

THIS MUST BE FIRST!!!! i was thinking which of their song to choose from (gonna marry one of them in 9 years!)

dont like their vid.. so yeah.. live performance...

why this song u say?? LAME u say??? KPOP u say???? this song changed my life!!!! i dont care what u say.. their different... i'm different.. not a kpop freak like most of u out there... but i'm gonna get to know these 5 young gentlemen (maybe 4... one of them is annoying).. their different, really... ok enuff

NEXXXXXTTTTTTT...... NO.2

ahahahaaaaa... sorry.... them again...

this is is touching!!!!!!!! anddddd... i memorized the whole song... yesss ican speak Korean now... congrats to me.... in order to memorize it, i LITERALLY looped this song ONLY for a whole week, all the time.. and i did not get bored of it!

no. 3!

AGAIN??? noo, its actually only one of them.. no, he's not the one i'm marrying.. but try listening to it.. woooowwww, and see how he sings it... menyusuk kalbu.. i almost cried when i saw it live!!! (i almost cried to all of it.. so it doesnt really counts??)

finally, this is not their song.....

i like this version.. with Minaj in it

video awesome, song awesome.. make me proud to be a woman... yeah, i listen to mainstream music only...coz i'm not that deep like some psycho unicorns here... i listen to it, i like it... 

last one for my top 5

same like that colourful unicorn.. never watched the video tho... and never heard her cover

if a dude sings this song for me, i'll marry him!!! *imagining Jude singing it... i'll cry*

YEAH, my songs are lame... don't really have to see those videos coz u know all of the songs already... don't care.. they make my day n helps me thru jam... hahahaha....

PWINCESSFI

Akal Dan Nafsu

Akal.. 

Selalu mengingatkanku yang,

dunia ini hanya sementara.. 

xpenting rancang jelajah 1 dunia..

xperlu mengumpul harta 1 semesta.. 

xpayah rungsing akan kekurangan fizikal diri.. 

selalu mengingatkanku untuk memburu bahagia akhirat yang hakiki..

tapi Nafsu sebaliknya.. 

nafsu sentiasa ingatkan aku yang.. 

aku perlu jelajah 1 dunia sebelum tua.. 

aku perlu kumpul harta banyak-banyak untuk bekalan hari tua..

aku perlu kesah dgn apa pandangan orang terhadap aku.. 

sentiasa mengingatkanku untuk mengejar bahagia dunia yg hanya sementara.

Kadang-kadang aku terdengar bisikan si Akal.. 

Sejenak aku termenung, memikirkan kehidupan di akhirat yg abadi.. 

tapi bisikan si Akal xmampu melawan godaan suara lunak si Nafsu.. 

aku kembali memburu kebahagiaan duniawi.. 

Entahlah.. 

Aku penat berdialog dengan diri sendiri

Degil.. 

Ahh diam lah.. 

Selamat Malam.. 

Say Hello

    Cuba dengar..

One of my fav songs of all time.. 

Saje meroyan..
I love the lyrics..
The rhythm.. everything about it..
I dont know who Rosie Thomas is..
tried listening to her other songs but no..
Im so in love with this song since I was doing my pre degree.. 

Pinoe's Songs of 2012

hi, it's me again. I seem to have a lot of time in my hands. I guess this blog gives me purpose although nobody reads my posts anyways.

so, since its new years and all. i guess belum basi lagi kalau saya mempersembahkah lagu2 top saya pada tahun 2012. In no particular order, i must say.

Numero uno is Missy Higgin's Eveyone's waiting.
after a five year hiatus and actually admitting quitting music after her last album, she is finally back to the delight of me and all of australia (in which she is a superstar there). she is one of my most favorite person in the whole wide world and am proud to call myself a true fan since day one (2004). Everyone's wating is a testament to how accomplish she is as a lyricist first then a composer. safe to say im really bias when it comes to her. i love everyone's waiting. and missy, girlllll!!!! one day i'll rub shoulders with you before i die. and yes i cried when i first heard this the same way as i did in kuantan when i first heard "where is stood" and nyss actually saw me crying and thought i was having one of my "episodes", you know i used to have one of those episodes in those period and time, but actually no, i was just sobbing because i cant believe there's such perfection in this world in the form of missy higgins. nyss and i were the few people left there at that time because we were taking muet. ahhh memories. anyways here's everyone's waiting.

Number 2 is It's Time by imagine dragons.
I first heard of the song right after the olympics in a football tribute video, yes in one of those where they ship two players together. yeah, yg mcm vid ronaldo ngan kaka tu...anyhow, then i straight away fell in love with it. and since then theyve been pretty mainstream, appearing in perks of being a wallflower movie soundtrack. ive even heard it once on malaysian radio. trust me i know why. the whole album is amazing, most importantly, the message of the album is really positive. its a gold mine of an album. so here's a tribute video of my fav football team with the song in the background.

number 3 Im not your hero by tegan and sara
well, theyre coming out with a new album this year, and theyve released 2 new audios from that album late 2012, one of them is im not your hero. its amazing. can wait for the album. altho we malaysian wont be able to pre order it yet. in malaysia it will come out on feb 13. bday pressie for me?? and sara's voice in this!!! and tegan's harmony!! what!!!!!!

next, well this song actually came out in 2011, but i discovered it in 2012 and since then i couldnt get over it. that counts because this is my post and i can do whatever i want and rules are meant to be broken and my bad cos i only discovered awesome stuff so late. its Sail by Awolnation

another one sort of an oldie but my 2012 was consumed by mostly listening to this song is For You Now by Bruno Merz. yes you heard me right. bruno merz! not bruno mars. funny how this came about cos i was searching for a bruno mars parody vid and the name bruno merz came out in the related tabs, i was like, well maybe he is a bruno mars impersonator. so i checked him out, turns out he is a better bruno mars. take a listen.

last one is little things by one direction, because i feel like it!! and also because i want you to listen to my cover of it.

original! and niall's solo...ahhhh!!!!

my cover!

so i'll leave you with with 6 songs for now.
i'll do a part two before end of january

how bout you fellow unicorns??

whats your top songs of 2012?

care to share?

im dying for some  great music

i know you all have great taste in music.

bye for now

Singing Unicorn

So, as ya'll may know, I'm quite the artist. (Just kidding, I'm terrible actually and really an amateur)
But, I was thinking, this singing unicorn could be one of this blog's attraction. Therefore, here are a few links for you to check out my work.

youtube

vimeo

soundcloud

be nice! and one is actually my original work. my first ever attempt in writing and composing.

Just one of my boring mornings.

Hello there fellow unicorns in of course, Unicorn Land.
You creatures want to know how i spent my morning today?
yes?
No!? Uhmmm I'm going to tell you anyway.
So, I spent my morning today watching this one guy's video on youtube. Dont know if some of you unicorns have heard or seen his vids before but he definitely occupied my morning today. His name is Jack and his channel on youtube is called Jacksgap. Here I'll share with you one video.

well, this is jack (right) and his twin Finn (right) in this video.

So cute.

Fun fact: Jack is quite a youtube sensation right now with over 2 million views on his videos. But, in his early days as a vlogger, he actually didnt have many followers. Well, until he brought along his twin brother in one video then boom! His views exploded. I guess people have a thing for twins. I dont know. at least i do. I mean tegan and sara. pinoe has a twin. and now this. 

so, fellow unicorns? how was your morning?

I tried but it doesn't work

Look at me for once,
Tell me honestly,
Do you even like me?

Because I don't,
No matter how hard I tried,
I hate it!

From head to toe,
Everything is zero,
Except for my size,
Is infinite.

So tell me,
Do you still like me?
You can run away now,
It's alright,
I'm used to it.

Kuda ku lari gagah berani!

Initially I wanted to draw a unicorn, but somehow I got too into the drawing, I forgot about the horn. So yeah, I just randomly put something else on it so it would look a bit like a unicorn. Did a little noob editing and wallah, a whatever.

A sad looking horse.

A high/stoned looking horse aka unicorn

(Tu kepit baju)

This is not what I intended as my first post. Who wanna write about horses. I mean, I don't even know how to ride a horse. The last time that I rode a horse, kuda tu berhenti berak! I was freaking embarrassed that I climbed down the horse eventhough I was just about 5 years old on a freaking tall horse. Aku malu okay. Malu sebab kuda tu berak tak kena timing. And people were shouting cause it was a very dangerous act. But being a 5 year old, who would think about dangerous stuff? Everything is a reflex. Something unplanned, unpredictable. Something spontaneous. 

Then boom! I grew up!

I lost her.

Where did she go? Where did the unplanned, unpredictable and spontaneous girl go?

We lost her.

I really missed the old me or at least some of the traits that vanished with time. But I think with time itself, I shall recover them back. I actually never really change. My characters are being overshadowed by my own doings, the so-called-being-a-grown-up. I mean Peter pan is a genius. Being a grown up sucks. Well at least it sucks when it comes to having fun. Being a kid, you can actually do whatever. No heartbreaks, no complication, no nothing. 

Maybe all I want is just a life of being alive. Of being myself. It will take maybe around a month, maybe two or even a year. Who cares, I will find her. The girl who used to love her self so much. The girl that is slowly being forgotten by time. She will be back, eventually

to turn an ordinary horse to an individual unicorn.

It's time.

"The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell"

AaaaaRRrrrrrGGggGGGhhhHHhhh!!!!

Something i crack out of my blog as well (enjoy)

I wish for a wall for me to smash my head against it

I wish to have a car to sacrifice so that I can run over a poll and get severe head trauma over a head impact and get amnesia

I wish to kick a football until it explodes before air can even come out of it

I wish 50 ringgit notes are not that valuable for me to just cut them into pieces

I wish bones can grow faster so that I can break them without being a handicap

I wish that I can turn on an amplifier as loud as I can without conscience

I wish that I can buy a whole shoe store instead of only one pair at a time

I wist to use all my might to strangle any living creature and feel free

I wish jumping down a building can make gravity feel small

I wish to scream at the top of my lungs

I wish..I wish...I hope...everything will not come to this...

"Dearly beloved, are you listening?"

Right at this very moment, I'm thinking of one very significant thing. The hot air that surrounds does not help the process of letting go. Why do I let myself master the art of keeping it all inside? Well' only God knows. Why am I this way and not that way? Why am I not grateful? I see things this way and not that way and why is that? Beats me.

I am just me. Is that so wrong? Why do people stare? Is that human nature? A natural thing that a human does? Well if that's so then it SUCKS! I hate people who stares. Look yourself in the mirror first and judge yourself and maybe you'll see yourself or maybe not. Hell I gossip too and I talk shit but the eyes they reveal everything. When you stare you just don't know or see how low you make me feel..

In the words of Billie Joe Amstrong

"dearly beloved are you listening....?

Am I insane or am I just insecure?"

Untitled

The other day life got to me

As I crumble upon the cold air that surrounded

I could've just breezed through it

but nothing seems easy to me these days

The harder it is I fight to be happy

The harder it is to pretend

I can’t just sleep whenever the cold air surrounds

Because it’s too good to be true

People in their right mind would seize the day

Fighting every single moment for a freaking break

Yes I am a hopeless melancholic 

But every time life cries and screams

It seems to be throwing and busting it all up on me

And at times like these

Even the slightest taste of tantrums  

Is too hard for me to take…

I guess I am done pretending that I am strong

When reality seems to be pointing the other way…